Fearless
by archer-and-anders
Summary: M!Hawke is a tough warrior who one day finds himself in a situation that he can't muster the courage to face...in front of companions, of course. Watch him struggle to pass it off as absolutely nothing, and see if his lover Anders can help him out.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to the new story, everyone! I don't expect this one to be overly long, but we'll see where it takes us. Since school has finally ended for me (Thank the Maker!), I should be able to have daily updates on this until it is finished...unless it is really long. If there's going to be a break, I'll let you guys know. Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing as always. Hope you enjoy!

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><p>"And there I was, face to face with the most ruthless band of dog lords you've ever seen! There must have been at least twenty of them, each with a Mabari by his side just waiting to attack. A lesser man would have been scared, but not me," Archer Hawke said with a smile. He paused to take a swig from his pint, and then he slammed it back down on the long wooden table in the center of Varric's room at the Hanged Man. "No, I'm fearless, you see. So I just drew my sword, laughed, and said, 'I'm the motherfucking Champion of Kirkwall.'"<p>

"Oh, then what happened?" Merrill asked, elbows on the table and hands cupping her chin.

"Then they came for me, sending the dogs out first. You all know how much it pains me to go after the animals, but it was self-defense. Anyway, I took them out as they came for me. Often two at a time. But don't let that make it sound like it was easy; no, I had men all over me and dogs at my feet. Luckily my years of training served me well and my armor held up, so I was able to get out of there without so much as a single scratch. It was a brilliant blood bath, and, in the end, I was the only one standing."

"Perhaps it's best not to travel alone at night, Hawke," Fenris suggested.

"Blame this guy," Hawke said, pointing his thumb over at his lover to his right.

"I was working at the clinic; I didn't ask you to come get me," Anders said as he rolled his eyes.

"Well I was worried; you said you were going to be home hours before that," the dark-haired warrior said as he placed his hand gently on the blonde's thigh. "Besides, I was horny."

"And this is where I shall leave you," Sebastian said with a nearly inaudible grumble as he got up from his seat.

Hawke chuckled and gathered himself as well. "We should all go, really. Some of us have a very early morning tomorrow. Isabela, Anders and I will be here to get you at first light, and the three of us will go get Merrill. Then we're off to the Dalish camp."

Everyone agreed with a nod, and they all got up to leave the dimly lit room after saying their goodbyes. Fenris, Aveline, and Sebastian went off towards Hightown, but Hawke and Anders stayed behind in Lowtown to walk Merrill back to her modest home in the Alienage. The warrior's encounter with the dog lords the previous night was not an isolated incident; it seems that the moon-lit streets were becoming more and more of a danger as time went on, and traveling in a group was the only way to survive the danger. _That is unless you're me_,/i Hawke thought with a smile. i_No one…nothing can attempt to harm me and survive. I'm rutheless, powerful, and afraid of absolutely nothing._

After dropping off Merrill, the two lovers took their time walking back to their estate in Hightown. It was a quiet evening; nothing but crickets and a gentle breeze to break the silence. The seasons had changed, and Kirkwall was finally getting colder; something Hawke had been waiting for with great anticipation. He had always loved the weather back in Ferelden, and, even after all these years in the Free Marches, he hadn't gotten use to the heat. Anders was clearly a bit chilled, and he crossed his arms across his chest. The other man saw, and, with a smile, he wrapped one large arm around his lover and pulled him close.

The mage smiled and leaned his head against Hawke. "So really how many were there?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You said that there were twenty dog lords," Anders said. "And that each one had a dog with him."

"That means that there were twenty men and twenty dogs. Really Anders, didn't they teach you math back in the Circle? Or were they too busy oppressing you?"

"Oh, shut up," the blonde said with a chuckle. "It's just that you always tend to exaggerate your stories, and I was wondering how many there really were. Especially considering that when you told me this story originally, there were only fifteen men."

"Maybe ten," Hawke said quietly.

Anders pushed him away and laughed. "Really what is it with you, Archie? Why do you feel the need to do that? You do it about everything."

"Name one other thing."

The mage held out one of his hands and started counting on his fingers. "The time you said you ate your body weight in bronto meat, but it was really just eighteen ounces. Or the time when you got a scratch from a drake, but you told everyone that you needed eighty-four stitches. Or the time that you said you saved an entire orphanage from a fire, and you really just helped a single orphan put out some wild flames. Or the time that yo-"

"I said _one_ other thing."

Anders stopped walking as they made it to the steps just a few meters away from their front door. Hawke stopped with him, and they could barely make out each other's features in the low light of the new moon. "There's no need to exaggerate about everything, Love. You said it yourself – you're the motherfucking Champion of Kirkwall. Everyone knows about the things that you have done, and no one thinks that you're anything less than amazing."

"I just want the stories about me to portray me as they should – as a complete and total badarse. It sounds a lot better when I'm fighting twenty guys and their dogs. People should know that I'm afraid of nothing and can handle any situation."

"Well, I think we all know that, Love," Anders said with a warm smile. "And you're my hero at the very least. Now let's go inside before I freeze to death."

"I think I know of a way to warm you up."

The mage rolled his eyes and opened up the large wooden door to the estate, and they both walked inside. The fire burning in the main room was blazing, and the warmth touched every corner of the entry hall the first few rooms on the first floor as the men walked inside. Hawke was giddy as he took the stairs two by two, excited of the prospect of spending the night with his lover like this. The previous few nights had been spent either alone in his bed here or sleeping on one of the cots back at Anders' clinic just so he could be close to the man who he loved. Not a day went by where he questioned if the mage loved him or wanted to spend time with him, but their time apart was harshly eating away at his spirit. Both of them were tired from the day, and they needed to be up early if they were going to make it to Merrill's old clan's camp within a reasonable amount of time. But this was an increasingly rare opportunity which Hawke wasn't about to let pass him by.

Anders followed him up the stairs and watched him disappear into their bedchamber. He really had felt bad about how much time they had been spending apart, and he was happy to have a night with him. He knew they would need to make it quick though, and he was just about to open his mouth to remind his lover of this when his back was slammed against the wall, Hawke on top of him.

The warrior planted a rough nip against the pulse of his neck. "I need this like I need air, Anders. And that's no exaggeration."


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you guys so much for flooding my inbox with reviews, favorites, and subscriptions! That just made my day. I promise to reply to all of the messages and reviews asap. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter...it is entirely foreplay XD

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><p>Anders could feel his knees growing weak, and he was glad that Hawke was pressing hard up against him to keep him on his feet. His lover ravished his neck with his mouth, sucking and nipping along the flesh, trailing upwards towards his left ear. He leaned into him, finding himself getting lost in the heat of the moment. His hands wrapped around his lover's body, still covered in the heavy plate armor he had been wearing all day, and he started to work on the clasps which held the breast and back plates together.<p>

Hawke stepped back and took over for the mage, hastily getting off his armor, one piece at a time. Anders followed suit and began to take off his robe. Their eyes were locked on each other the entire time, blue on honey, and neither was able to hold back long before they came crashing back into one another. Lips met, devouring each other in the heat of it all. The warrior's tongue probed against his lover's lips until he finally opened up, allowing him to explore every reach. He wrapped his arms around the blonde and pulled him backwards with him across the bedroom floor until the back of his legs hit the footboard of their large, four poster bed. He sunk down, sitting on the edge, and he pulled his lover down on him. Anders gently pressed him back, their lips never paring, and he straddled the other man, their cocks positioned against each other.

"Love," the mage managed as he finally broke their heated kiss. "You know we'll need to make this somewhat quick. It's already quite late, and we need to get up early."

The dark-haired man paused for a moment and then kissed him again roughly, biting and gnawing at his bottom lip as he pulled back. He gripped onto the other man and threw him over to the side, his back landing on the mattress. Hawke got up and over him, straddling his waist, and he peered down at him with stern and commanding eyes. "There will be nothing quick about this, Anders. We haven't been together like this in four nights. _Four._ And it's not because one of us has been out in the mountains. We've shared the same bed or space, and time hasn't been made for just us. Even tonight, we could have stayed home just to be with each other, but we went out and played cards. So now I'm having you for as long as I so choose because Maker only knows when I can have you again."

"Archie, you just need to ask. You know sometimes I get caught up in my work, and I'm sorry about that. Just stop me, and we can do something quickly."

"That's just it, Anders! It shouldn't have to be like that," Hawke said, a hint of sadness cracking his voice. "I know you're busy, but take a few hours a day to eat or just be with me. Fuck, it doesn't have to be sex. Just let me breathe the same air you breathe."

"I'm sorry, Archie," Anders said, averting his eyes. He had felt bad about how much time they had been spending apart lately, but he felt even worse now. Whatever he could do, he would. He had to make it up to the man who literally was his entire world. If it meant sleeping less or just finding a way to be more organized with his time, he would do it. He just needed to show Archer that he cared and that he wanted nothing more than to be a completely devoted partner to him. He reached up to grab his lover's shoulders and pulled the warrior down against him. This time, their kiss was softer and brief. The mage pulled back and smiled up at the other man. "We'll make this work, Love. But for now, let me show you how much I love you and how much I really have missed this."

Hawke nodded and moved pliantly as he felt hands grip onto his hips and pull him upwards. He got up onto his knees and allowed Anders to slide down towards the end of the bed between his legs. A small gasp left him as he felt warm, wet lips surround his flaccid cock. The mage licked and sucked and kneaded his lover's balls until it finally grew to its full, hard length. The warrior groaned and started to work his hips, pumping his length in and out of the other man's mouth. Anders was always skilled with his mouth, but he had become more than an expert at accommodating the hefty length. He opened up and relaxed his throat the best he could, allowing it to slide in perfectly to the hilt each time.

"Fuck, so good, Anders," Hawke groaned as he thrust in once more.

Anders lifted his hand and pressed several fingers against his lover's lips, and the warrior happily took them in his mouth to coat them in copious amounts of saliva. The blonde pulled them out and worked his arm between their bodies, and he pressed his fingertips against his own entrance. One by one, he slid the fingers inside, and he groaned loudly against the flesh in his mouth. His hips bucked up as he fingered himself, and Hawke continued to pound in and out of his mouth. As soon as his mind had decided that there could be no better feeling than this – to be completely filled – Hawke reached behind himself and gripped onto Anders' length, and he started to stroke it at the same pace at which he thrust into his lover's mouth. That mage moaned over and over, and his body writhed in a fit of unyielding pleasure.

Hawke could see that Anders was mere moments from being thrown over the edge, and he wasn't about to have that. If things kept up as they had been this past week, he didn't know when their next time would be together, so he wanted to make it last. He released his grip on the mage's length, and he carefully pulled himself away, letting his cock slide out of Anders' mouth. He got over to the side of the other man, and he gripped him under the arms to pull him up towards the head of the bed. Anders reluctantly pulled his fingers out of his now well-stretched hole, and looked up at the other man with a smile, waiting to see what would happen next.

"You know, Anders," Hawke said as he lay down on his side next to the mage. "There's one thing I could never exaggerate about."

"And what's that?" the mage asked. He rolled over on his side to face the other man, and he stroked his cock gently to keep the blood flowing.

"How much I love you," he replied. "You really are everything to me, and I couldn't imagine my life without you. But that leads me to reveal my one true secret."

Anders raised a curious brow. "Which would be?"

"That I'm not actually as fearless as I claim to be. There's one thing that I actually fear, and that's losing you."

"Archie, we've talked about this," Anders said with a sigh. "I will never just flat out leave you. Us parting our separate ways will be because you want it to be so, but I will not make that decision."

"Why do you even say it like that? Like anything would make me want to leave you. I don't know what you think is going to happen, but I'm sticking by you no matter what."

"It's easier said than done, Love, so I won't hold you to that. But let's please not ruin the night thinking about that. I want to be with you as long as you'll have me. Now please, have me literally before I fucking die," the mage pleaded.

Hawke smiled weakly and leaned in to kiss his lover. "I'm not usually one to take orders, but it's hard to deny a request like that."


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the continuous support everyone! Hope y'all didn't mind an all foreplay chapter last time and an all sex chapter this time XD I will be getting to the actual prompt with the next update. I'm hoping to have it tomorrow, but if not it will have to be Monday as I am leaving the state to visit some tumblr friends. Enjoy!

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><p>Anders pulled the other man against him gently, and their lips met in a soft, delicate kiss. But as soon as Hawke pulled himself back, he crashed back against him, their lips meeting rough and heated. He gripped onto the blonde, pressing their bodies firmly together, and he ground his hips against him. The blood was flowing back down between his legs, and the feeling of his flesh against that of his lover was utterly intoxicating. His kisses trailed down away from lips. Chin, neck, clavicle, nipple. He grabbed onto Anders' left arm and lifted it and then licked a line all the way up to his pit. He nestled his nose in the hair until the blonde's quiet chuckles made him pull back.<p>

In one swift movement, Hawke was off of the mage, and he gripped onto his lover's body, turning him so that he was on his stomach. Calloused hands trailed along the pale skin of the older man all the way from shoulders to his hips. The warrior grasped onto Anders' arse and spread it apart to reveal the sweet pucker of flesh that was hidden beneath. He groaned out in delight while licking his lips, and he dipped his head low to dive in. The blonde gasped as he felt a wet tongue lapping against his entrance, and he pushed back, desperate for more. Hawke squeezed each cheek in his hand hard, and he pulled his right hand back only to slap his palm back down against the flesh.

"Fuck, Archer," Anders whined, gripping his fingers onto the sheets of the bed.

Hawke pulled back and wiped the saliva off his chin. He gripped onto his own length with his right hand and began to stroke it up and down. "You want it, Anders?"

"Please, Love," the mage begged as he got up on his hands and knees.

The warrior spread his lover's cheeks once more and slid his length along the crack, causing the mage to shiver with anticipation. "Tell me then," he demanded. "Tell me what you want me to do with this big, thick cock of mine."

"Archie, please!" Anders whined. "Ram it in me. Fuck me hard. Fill me up. Anything…please!"

Hawke pat the other man gently on the backside and then reached over to the nightstand drawer to grab the near-empty vial of oil inside. He poured the last of it along his erection and smoothed it out over the entire surface. After setting the vial out of the way, he positioned the tip of his cock at the other man's entrance and just held it there for some time. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he pressed forward allowing only the head of his dick to enter the other man. Both men let out small moans and the wonderful pressure of it all. The mage waited for more, yet the warrior refused to move, holding himself in place, a mere two centimeters inside. Anders did his best to be patient, put the anticipation eventually got the best of him, and he couldn't help but whine and try to push back. The dark-haired man grabbed onto his hips tightly, fingernails digging into the flesh, and he held his lover back from moving any further. Though he tried to contain it, the blonde couldn't help but groan just a little too loudly in his frustration, and he was met with nails burrowing deeper in his skin.

"You know what, Anders?" Hawke asked looking down at his lover's body. "I've seen a lot of things in my life. Some terrible things. Some crazy things. And some really beautiful things as well. But I am absolutely convinced that there is nothing more beautiful than this sight right here. This entire moment, really. Where I enter you and it's not you and me anymore; it's us. We're one. And the whole world can just stop while we're like this. There's no mages versus Templars. There's no clinic. There's no saving Kirkwall from itself. It's just us."

"Well, I can't say that I get to actually see much of it, but I love the feeling," Anders said. "Actually, I love the feeling that happens afterwards a little better. The one where you actually start movin-"

Anders' words were cut off with a loud moan as the warrior thrust hard, sending his length inside the other man up until the hilt. But rather than continue his movements, he stopped in place and held the mage where he was so he couldn't get any added friction. "And what I really love about it," Hawke continued, "is that, no matter what happens in the end. Regardless of if you're going to end up doing something stupid or if you'll leave. I've got you here right now, and I can hold onto this forever. You're mine, Anders."

"I'm yours, Love," he whispered back.

Hawke groaned, unsatisfied with the way he'd said it. He shook it off and began to pump in and out of the other man at a harsh and brutal pace. As Anders bucked up against him, he removed his hands from his hips and trailed them up along his body, nails still digging in the flesh. He wanted to mar him, mark him, truly make him his own, and he would leave no expanse of skin untouched. Leaning over his lover, he trailed lips, teeth and tongue over the lines he'd left, and the sting was so sweet that the mage could do little but hiss and whine from behind clenched teeth. Body draped over that of the slightly smaller man, the warrior nestled his head in the crook of his lover's neck and sucked and nipped against his pulse.

"You won't leave me," he said, words muffled by the closeness of his lips against skin. He continued to thrust in and out, his pace never faltering.

"I told you I wouldn't," Anders responded, leaning into the sweet heat from the breath against his moistened neck. "You would be the one t-"

"Don't be stupid," Hawke spat, cutting him off. He lifted his upper body off of the other man and wrapped his arms around Anders' middle to pull him up against him, back to chest. "I will _never_ leave you, and I'm tired of telling you that. I don't care if I catch you eating puppies; I'm bloody staying with you."

"Eating puppies?"

"Bad example," the warrior said with a sigh. "I'm not going anywhere, and you're not going anywhere either, Anders." He kept his arms around the other man, but his grip grew tighter, more desperate.

"I already told you that I wasn't going to leave, Love."

"But mean it!" Hawke nearly yelled. "I never fucking believe you when you say it because you never say it sincerely. Fucking mean it, Anders."

Anders did his best to turn his neck and face the other man. He could see the hurt in his eyes, something he was seeing far too often as of late. He kissed him softly. "I will not be the one to leave."

"Don't fucking do it like that."

"I won't leave you," the mage said, more sincere about it than he ever had been before. He knew he would eventually turn their lives upside down, but he was finally sure that he would not be the one to break this bond, even when it breaking would be because of his own actions.

Hawke pressed forward, kissing him hard and heated, his grip nearly cutting off Anders' ability to breathe. He broke apart and smiled. "Then I guess that means there's nothing in this world left for me to fear."

Once the grip was finally released, Anders went back down on his hands and knees and beckoned his lover to finish. The warrior began his moments once again, this time not nearly as brutally hard. Mere moments were all it took to send them both over the edge – Hawke spilling into the mage, and Anders following suit. They both collapsed onto each other, holding on to this rare moment as if their lives depended on it.

They faced each other, silent for some time. The mage eventually leaned in to kiss his lover on the tip of the nose, and he brushed back some of his black hair which had fallen in front of his eyes. "There's nothing to fear, Archie. You're the motherfucking Champion of Kirkwall. Afraid of absolutely nothing."


	4. Chapter 4

So, so sorry for the huge delay on this. There was finals, the holidays, and unfortunately, a little bit of writer's block in the mix, but I am going to get this baby done if it's the last thing I do! To make up a little bit for it, this installment is a little bit longer than normal ones. I'd expect one to two more updates after this. I hope you'll all join me again for the rest and enjoy!

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><p>Morning came sooner than both men were hoping, but they had a mission that day, and they weren't about to be late for it. Well, at least Hawke wasn't. If there was one thing he hated more than anything in the world, it was a lack of punctuality. Having known Anders for three years before their relationship alerted him to the fact that the mage wasn't really the best at being on time to most things. But after he moved in, the extent to which his lateness went became painfully clear.<p>

"Hurry up, Anders!" the warrior barked from downstairs. "I told Merrill that we'd be there at first light, and we aren't going to make it if you keep fucking around up there!"

"Hush, Archer, seriously," the mage said as he finally exited their room. "There are other people trying to sleep in this house; have some consideration."

"There are people waiting on us; have some consideration."

"You're such a boy."

"You love it," Hawke said with a smile. Anders couldn't help but smile back and they made their way out of their estate. As they briskly walked over the cobble stone streets, the kiss of the morning's first light began to peak out behind the buildings. And by the time they made it to the Hanged Man, Isabela was already waiting outside where the sun was completely visible.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," the dark haired man said with a groan. He nodded his head towards his lover before they started to head over to the Alienage. "This one couldn't be on time if his life depended on it."

"I was getting prepared for the trip, you arse," Anders spat. "All you can think about when we're about to go off and kill someone or something or whatever is…well killing it!"

"Your point being?"

"I'm the one who thinks about how long we'll be gone, what we might encounter, and what we might need. I had to pack some things, and I was even up before you grabbing food and potions and salves and the like. You'll be thanking me onc-"

"Ladies!" Isabela said, interrupting them. "No one cares. Now let's just go pick up Merrill and get on our way."

After meeting up with their elven companion, the group set off for Sundermount. Their intention was to talk to the Dalish Keeper about fixing Merrill's elluvian. She needed an item – the Arulin'Holm – in order to make it work once more, and she was completely determined to get it. Hawke knew the stories that she had told him about the mirror, and he wasn't so sure that this was the best possible idea. But she was his friend and an adult capable of making her own decisions, so he was happy to help so long as she was sure about it. Isabela felt the same about it.

Anders, on the other hand, was a little more than against the idea. The way he felt about the elf was no secret – he absolutely hated her use of blood magic and her nativity. He refused to get to know her, the way that his lover had over the years, and he found himself disgusted with the fact that Hawke had actually lain with her a few years back. So when he had been told the purpose of this mission, it was very difficult for him to be convinced to go along. Eventually, the warrior had to tell him that he was allowed not to like what was going on, but he really was needed just in case anyone needed to be healed. The mage was reluctant, but accepted, never really knowing how to deny the other man. But as they were approaching their destination, he was regretting that he had agreed to come along. He was already upset that Hawke didn't seem to appreciate the efforts he made to ready their group for an outing. And he also had a great sense of unease that loomed over him.

"Merrill, before we make it all the way there, are you positively sure this is something you want to do?" he asked his fellow mage.

"I know the risks, Anders. But not being able to complete the elluvian would be far more devastating to me than anything that could happen because of completing it."

"That's bloody selfish of you," he murmured, hardly loud enough for anyone but himself to hear.

But of course, Hawke had become quite capable of interpreting his lover's words, mumbled or not. He reached over to grab the other man's hand, and he squeezed it in his own. "Darling, let's just do this without a fuss."

Anders pulled his hand back and grumbled. "I'm not happy with this. I'm not happy with you right now either. Just leave me be."

The rest of their journey was a silent one, but Hawke tried his best not to be too upset about Anders. He had no doubt that, after a successful and uneventful journey, they would be back to being happy with one another. Unfortunately, the warrior was soon to find out that there was more to this mission than he had previously expected. Upon arriving to the Dalish camp, Keeper Marethari was anything but willing to hand over the item Merrill so desperately needed. The young elf then invoked _vir sulevanan,_ which was explained to the group as a trade-off of property for a task. In order to obtain the Arulin'Holm, the group was asked to investigate and solve a problem that was occurring in the caves and passages of the mountain.

As they went on this new quest, they discovered a number of bodies belonging to Merrill's old clan members. The elf was understandably distraught, and even Anders couldn't help but feel bad for her loss. Hawke, disturbed by the condition of the bodies, was eager to move forward and destroy whoever or whatever had killed the elves.

"We've been in here for hours, and all we've seen are spiders," Isabela whined, scuffing her boots against the path. "Is it possible that they just ganged up on your friends and were too much for them?"

"No, it's something else," Merrill said wearily. "I can feel it."

"Well we've reached the end, it seems," Hawke noted as they entered a large chamber, empty save for a cache of gold. "Let's just loot the place and go back. Maybe we'll catch it going the way we came in."

Before he had the chance to take a single step towards the treasure, a monstrous spider-like beast fell to the floor in front of him. An ear-piercing screeched echoed off the chamber walls as it warned them to stay back. It danced around on five powerful legs, but the group could hardly notice anything besides a massive appendage on its posterior end, no doubt ready to stab and slay with venom.

There was no time to think, and the group immediately began to fight attacking legs and desperately trying to avoid its back end. Isabela expertly slashed at the creature's chitinous exterior while the mages worked from a distance to try to stun and hex. The enemy, later explained by Merrill to be called a varterral, was surprisingly fast and agile, but its movements were no match for the rogue. Isabela had spent years perfecting her ability to outmaneuver anything that crossed her path, and she was able to swipe here and there as she avoided kicks, bites, and that deadly stinger.

Hawke, on the other hand, was not quite as lucky. He had always trained to wield a sword and fight on the frontlines, but that also meant that he was normally the one to take on most of the damage. He wasn't overly capable of moving fast, and his bulky and heavy armor kept him from being light on his toes. Normally, he didn't have much of a problem getting away from his enemies. But the varterral was enormous and took up nearly the entire chamber, and this left the warrior with practically nowhere to run.

That, however, was not the warrior's biggest problem at the moment. Hawke really had nowhere to run because he stood completely paralyzed in fear at this creature which surely came out of one of his darkest nightmares. He had encountered dragons and spiders and even darkspawn, but nothing he had ever seen before made him choke up and feel like calling out to his mother. In his mind, he could hear himself screaming, telling himself to run. Move. Anything. But instead he just quivered and shook, eyes bulging out of his skull.

"Archer, do something!" Anders screamed out to him.

Hawke shook his head at the sound of his lover's voice, and he felt muscles regain their function. He could move and run or hide even. Anything but face this monster. _I can't leave them though!_ he thought as he took a hesitant step back. _They need me, but more importantly, they'll know I was afraid!_ With shaking arms, he began to raise his greatsword, determined to step forward and at least try. But before he'd managed to swing his blade, the varterral struck at him with its venomous stinger followed by a kick with a leg that sent the warrior flying across the chamber.

"Hawke!" Merrill screamed as she saw watched in horror as her friend hit the ground with a loud thud.

"I'm ok!" he called back, indicating that his friends should continue fighting.

But Anders was immediately at his side, ready to render any aid necessary. He and the warrior had been together for nearly two years, and the mage had been right by his side during many traumatic and emotional experiences. Hawke wasn't a man who was afraid to shed a tear or two when his mother had died or when he had first learned about Anders' Calling which would eventually lead to his death. Yet, Anders had never imagined that he would ever see the other man wailing and bawling his eyes out, desperately clutching at his abdomen.


	5. Chapter 5

"Archer!" Anders cried out as he watched his lover roll around in pain, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Archer, Love, please be alright. I'll fix it, I swear!"

"A-anders," Hawke moaned. "This is it; I'm done. I love you so much."

The mage kneeled down by the other man's side, his own tears welling up in his eyes. "Don't you dare speak of such things. I'm a healer, for Maker's sake. You won't be dying on my watch." But as he placed his trembling hands against those of his lover over the wound on his abdomen, he really wasn't sure how much he would be able to do. He could recall a brief passage on varterral in a book on monstrous creatures in the Ferelden Circle Tower. The sketch of one of the beasts had always stuck with him, and he always prayed he would never face such a thing. According to the book, the venom from a single strike was enough to take down an entire band of men, and few had ever survived even with the aid of healing magic.

The warrior hissed as Anders went to move his hands. "Ah! It hurts! Get all the salve; use every last potion!"

The blonde grabbed his pack and completely emptied it, sending a dozen salves and potions flying out. He grabbed at one of the salves, one necessary for disinfection, and he uncorked it. "Love, you'll need to move your hands so I can see." Slowly, Hawke moved his hands away from his abdomen, revealing the massive gash sliced through his heavy plate armor and the shirt beneath. But, to Anders' surprise, there wasn't more than a single shallow scratch on the warrior's pale skin, and it was clear that the mark was made by the impact from the creature's leg and not the stinger.

"Archer, what the fuck?"

Hawke sobs had quieted some, but the tears were still falling nonetheless. "I'm so sorry you have to watch me die, Anders. There were so many things I still wanted for us: mage freedom, children, a pet dragon. Just know that I tried so hard to make you happy." His voice was fading as each word was spoken. He looked his lover in the eyes and strained to smile weakly. "Darling, I tried." And with that, his head rolled back, eyes closed.

"You two lovebirds finished up over there?" Isabela called from the middle of the chamber. "We could use a little help if you get a chance!"

"Just a minute!" Anders yelled back, and then he promptly punched Hawke in the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"YOU ARSE!" the mage yelled at him. "You had me convinced that you were actually hurt and dying, and you're perfectly fine!"

The warrior lifted his arms to grab onto the sides of Anders' robe and pulled him down close so he could whisper. "Anders, you have to get me out of this! I can't do it and no one can know about it. Everyone needs to think I'm hurt because if I go back out there, I'm going to fucking piss myself!"

"Seriously, any time now, boys!"

"Wait, you're scared of this thing? Like too scared to fight?" Anders asked him.

"Please, Darling, please," Hawke begged him. "Just kill it and pretend like I was really hurt. I'm begging you!"

"Alright," Anders said with a sigh. "We'll just tell everyone that you were injured and too weak to fight, and then we'll never speak of it again."

With that, he got up and ran back to his female companions to continue to fight of the varterral. Merrill and Isabela had done most of the work themselves, and only a few minutes passed before the massive beast fell to the ground in one large heap, and, surprisingly, all of them came out of it without so much as a scratch. That is, except for Hawke. Everyone ran back over to him once they were sure they were no longer under any threat, and the elf apologized profusely for putting him in such danger. Hawke, of course, told her that it was no issue at all as Anders had patched him up almost completely before joining them once more. He was just glad that it was over, and they wouldn't have to speak of this again.

"And then the bloody thing sunk its stinger right into my flesh!" Hawke yelled out before taking a swig from the pint of ale in his hand. The entire group had gathered at the Hanged Man, and Varric was taking notes, kicking himself that he wasn't there to face the varterral. Everyone was eating up every word that the dark-haired warrior spoke. Everyone except Anders.

"It sunk into me, I'm telling you! Straight through my armor and nearly came out of my back too. But I had no time to even realize what happened because then the little bugger kicked me and sent me flying all the way across the cave! It was only then that I realized how close to death I was. I mean, my guts were hanging out, weren't they Anders? Hanging out!"

Anders sat still on the right side of his lover, staring forward and eyes glazed over. "Yes, his guts were hanging out," he said in a low monotone.

"Just like I said," Hawke said with a smile. "Anders ran over to me, of course, knowing that, if I died, we were all dead. And I didn't want him to see me that way; so close to death." He reached out and grabbed the blonde's hand and squeezed it. "Of course he couldn't help but cry when he saw the damage. He's a powerful mage, but I could tell that he was doubting himself as the tears started to flow."

"You know, that's funny, because I thought I saw you get a little teary yourself," Anders snapped.

"I'm not afraid to admit it," the warrior said. "When I saw the fear and the sorrow on your face, and I could tell that you weren't sure how you could go on without me, I couldn't hold back. You need me, and I know that."

Merrill sighed dreamily, and the rest of them couldn't help but roll their eyes. Anders continued to sit still, biting the inside of his cheek to try to hold back from yelling at him.

"But Anders really pulled himself together and was strong for me," Hawke continued. "He used everything he had and healed me down to nothing but a tiny scratch. Then he still had enough left in him to go help kill off the varterral!"

Anders could at least find himself smiling at this.

"Yep, he's the real hero here," he said as he wrapped his arm around his lover. "Anders really saved the day."

After another round of drinks and more heroic tales, Hawke and Anders left the bar and made their way back home to the estate. Both of them readied themselves for bed and stripped down to nothing but their smalls before climbing in under the covers. The warrior was tired from the day and was ready to fall asleep, but the other man had something else on his mind. He kissed up along his lover's neck, gently sucking as he moved towards his lips.

"Alright, Anders, but let's make it quick," the warrior said as he sat up.

"Well, actually, I'd rather talk," Anders replied. He could hear the other man mouth something about him being a 'fucking tease' under his breath, but he paid little attention. "What the fuck happened to never speaking of the varterral incident again?"

"Everyone wanted to know, so I told them."

"You lied to them, is what you did!" he said with a laugh. "It was completely unnecessary to say anything about a wound or saying that I cried when it didn't happen. You were just trying to further cover up the fact that you were horrified and couldn't handle the situation."

"I handled the situation fine, Anders! I was only crying because my armor was ruined! It's my favorite, and you know it."

"Haven't we had this discussion before?" the mage asked. "It's perfectly fine to be afraid of something. It's a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. And that thing was pretty fucking scary, I get it."

"No you don't!" Hawke barked. "That was completely ridiculous, and I would never live it down if anyone had found out about it. I couldn't move, I couldn't control myself. I have no idea why that thing out of all of the terrible things we've seen did it, but I pretty much turned into a frightened little girl back there."

"I've been scared before too, Archie." Anders pulled his lover close and held him tightly. "But that doesn't make you less of a man. Other than this one stupid instance, you're still the bravest man I know. You have defeated hundreds of terrible people and monsters, you fight for what you believe in, and you put up with me. There's nothing you have to be ashamed of. I still love you; I'm still attracted to you."

"Prove it," Hawke demanded before slamming their lips together in a rough, heated kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

I really can't apologize enough for this taking so damn long, but finally, here's the end. Thanks to those of you who were willing to stick around! I have a new prompt for these two where they get a pet dragon, and I'm very excited about that one. I'll start it as soon as I can. Thanks to all of those of you who take the time to review and add to your favorites and whatnot. I've been really bad about getting back to all of you guys, but please know that it means the world to me. Enjoy!

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><p>Anders instantly melted against the other man, his body only held upright by the large, muscular arms which wrapped around him. He moaned as he was completely consumed, and he felt himself growing harder by the second. Hawke's right hand traveled between their bodies and gently grabbed onto Anders' length trapped behind his tight small clothes. The mage pushed into the grip for some much-needed friction. With a firm, yet gentle hand, the warrior pulled at his lover's erection, beckoning for him to move with him as he rolled onto his back. The blonde made no hesitation to follow the other man's silent command, their lips never parting, and he found himself on top of him.<p>

"You want me riding you?" Anders asked, pulling away just enough to form the words before opening his mouth up once more to welcome a strong, probing tongue.

Hawke didn't need to answer him. As he explored every reach of his lover's mouth, his hands snaked between them to pull off his own smalls and to pull Anders' down enough to expose his back side. He pulled his cock back from against his abdomen and slid it between the other man's cheeks. The mage couldn't help but moan at the sensation which was more than enough to cause his dick to twitch in lust and anticipation.

Their kiss grew more heated and sloppy as their heart rates increased, and Anders struggled to maneuver himself in such a way that allowed for him to pull his smalls down his legs. After a minute of him shifting positions and having great difficulty keeping himself upright, Hawke gripped onto the fabric and pulled hard enough until the ripped off.

"What the fuck, Archer?" Anders growled as he looked at the tattered fabric which had been tossed to the edge of their bed.

"I don't have time for things as trivial as salvaging your old arse smalls, Darling. You can just wear mine."

"Those were _yours_, you idiot," the mage said with a chuckle.

"Well fuck," the warrior said while pouting. "Next time warn me."

"Maybe send me a memo next time you're planning on ripping the clothes off of me so I can let you kn-"

Hawke cut him off by pulling him back down against him and connecting their lips once again. His hips gently bucked upwards to slide the tip of his cock, leaking with precome, against the other man's hole. Anders blindly reached out towards the nightstand closest to him and somehow managed to find a large vial of oil for them to use. Once he tore their kiss apart so he could prepare them, Hawke moaned in disapproval, not having had nearly enough time to taste the man who he loved so much.

Anders smiled as he reached behind him with his left hand to slide a few oil-slicked fingers inside of himself. "Don't worry, Love. You had your tongue in me before, but I think you'd much rather you have that beast of a cock shoved up inside of me."

Hawke licked his lips and bucked up once more. "I guess it's a good thing that you're not afraid of monsters then."

The mage withdrew his fingers and then grasped onto his lover's length. Both men moaned – Hawke in pleasure and Anders in lust. He positioned his body over the warrior's cock and sat down on it until he took it to the hilt. He bit his lower lip to ease back a moan from the sweet sting which occurred each time he purposely prepared himself just shy of enough.

"Fuck that feels good," Hawke groaned as Anders started to lift himself up and reseat himself, body held up by hands splayed on his lover's broad chest and toes digging into their bed.

"Mmhmm," Anders purred. "You know I can't get enough of it either, Love. You can have off days where you're just short of being the bravest man in all of Thedas, but you're still all the man I could ever need. I know that you'll always be strong enough to take care of me, but I have to admit that it's nice to know that there are times when I can be the one who is strong for you."

"Don't get used to it," the warrior said. His hand found his lover's and lightly danced across his skin as he trailed up his arms and shoulders and back along his body until finding a firm resting place at his hips. Hawke bent his knees to dig his heels into the bed, and he pushed his pelvis upwards as the other man's body met his. Past their earlier kissing, there was nothing rough or hard about this; it was gentle and slow and, in a way, a promise to one another. Pretend as he might, Hawke couldn't really deny how true the mage's words were. He knew that he needed Anders to take care of him just as much as Anders needed his care as well. And no matter what happened to one of them, the other would always be right there to pick up the pieces.

"I love you, Archer," Anders said with a smile, continuing to slowly ride his lover's length.

Hawke smiled up at him and raised his hand up to his face to secure a golden lock which had fallen stray behind his left ear. He stroked the mage's cheek and let his hand slide down further and further until it reached his lover's neglected cock. He curled his fingers around it softly and slowly began to stroke it from base to tip, and he groaned in pleasure as he watched the other man's eyelids flutter closed from the feeling. Anders began to rock his hips back and forth, thrusting up into the circle of the warrior's hand. After several minutes had gone by, the combined sensations of being stroked and filled was so utterly overwhelming that he found himself struggling to hold back.

"I can't, Archie. I'm gonna-"

The dark haired man increased his pace, stroking vigorously. "Come for me, Anders. All over my chest."

Anders thrust his hips a few more times until he felt the surge of release tear through his body. He groaned and dug his fingernails into his lover's skin, and he tensed as streams of warm, white fluid shot out from the tip of his length, splattering all over the other man's chest and neck. He shuddered but still tried his hardest to continue moving so Hawke, too, could experience the rush of ecstasy that was just starting to slow in him. The warrior bucked his hips upwards and thrust deep inside of him only a few more times before he came as well. Both men moaned as he shot his load and coated every reach of the mage, and they held each other tight until he had softened enough to easily slide himself out entirely.

"I love you too, Anders," Hawke finally said with a sigh. "And I'm very relieved that you don't think any less of me."

"Of course not, Love," Anders said as he worked to clean the both of them with the torn remains of the smalls he previously wore. "You're still perfect in my eyes, and I don't think that anyone would have thought of you any differently had they known the real story."

"Well if you tell anyone, I'm going to have to let everyone know about the time that you encountered a massive monster and were stunned and speechless."

Anders raised a questioning brow. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"The first time you saw my cock."

The mage laughed and grabbed a pillow to throw at his face. "You're an idiot."

Hawke smiled and pulled the other man into a kiss. "Yeah, but you love me anyway."


End file.
